Whoman He

I don’t know what and when
It is all hidden in my pen
Memories of forgotten days
are mixed with fears
of future’s ways

And even if the sun shines bright
I might not realize that it’s light
The darkness just like fire spreads
The night is glowing cold, the black I dread
This is the story of my plight

A mind so bent a crumbled string looks straight
Nothing, clueless, lost, I wait
Sometimes my dreams dream that I elevate
another force inside then subjugates
I’m told my worries are man made

The coffee cold, unshaven, and the purse deplete
A worn old shirt that screams of ironing that it needs
A figure sculpted by the thoughts the mind conjures
and by all events that life endures
Continuously I seek and seek

In this reality the hundred meters that I see
must stretch out of necessity
beyond that mark towards my ecstasy
unless I cannot choose my destiny
But, how then could I be me

Why am I stuck as if I’m planted like a tree
Forever in one place, I cannot flee
When I was born what words were put into my crib
“Go sail the seas but finally we sink your ship”
In the clouds I want to be eternally

A told me that I should be B
C told me that I should be D
Eventually then when I was E
They screamed and said I must be G
I turned around and went to P
Flashed them a sign reversed the T
Now I’m the Cuban Susans Whoman He
Nothing, clueless, lost without a key
I am sinking in some sea

To the water I will eventually return
Humans decided that I needed to burn
So hot even my soul in smoke evaporates
Escaping from these dire straits
I will not be put behind some other gates
Spill me, let me take another turn

 

The devil, me and I and you

I couldn’t sleep for thoughts of you
Morning, feelings, cold and dew 
Everything was just so fine
Clueless, lost that was my crime

Nothing in my dark lit up
Thoughts of you kept coming but
the loneliness kept holding tight
This opponent was my lifelong fight

Seldom happiness would have a say
All the vivid colors turned to gray
Forsaken in my ice age day by day

A cul-de-sac, a dead end stop
I would rant and rave until I dropped
Nothing changed, it wasn’t meant to be
Even my dreams and wishes couldn’t set me free

Some force was negating, maliciously intent
a life of accomplishment and content
I bargained till my beard turned white
the other one just laughed at this my plight

You could have cashed your soul for fun
and lived a life of sin and some
he even mentioned that my soul was worth a bit
he’d talk to Karma even Hades could be skipped

Then he left for he had other things to do
I should call him if I'd feel I’m through
In between he came around
telling me I wasn’t sound

I should think about a deal
Rap it up and put a seal
What’s the point when nothing works
and your days are filled with hurt

Life’s too short to live in pain
All agree that is a shame
and there’s no one here to blame

But who was he who tempted so 
What energy did make him grow 
I made him up that much I know
therefore why can’t I let him go 

Worry, fear, and disillusionment
helped in his establishment
Sunshine, love, and laughter
will destroy his term as master

To beat him at his game 
and bring happiness again
my entire life I searched for you
questioning exhausted if you could be true
often clueless, lost, I lived through years of rue
and spent much time talking to the stars with tears
hoping that someone might open up their ears

My angels came a running, just before it was too late
They called the wind to blow a storm and change my fate
You greeted me and we knew before a word was spoken
that we had scars from many places we were broken

Even now I do recall the times alone
when my thoughts run away from home
and I dig in places dark and drown
forgetting all the joy you've brought
and everything I ever sought

There was no crime
and no disorder
Clueless, lost, I crossed the border
Deep I sank into some feelings
fleeing from my heart and being
till you came along
and stroked me with your song
Finally, my life is mine to shine
There never was a crime.
 









When that happens?

A ginger cat called Flash slinks through my garden regularly ignoring me as if I am vapour.
It’s four in the morning and I sit at my desk and thinks.
The streetlamp across the road is in a forty-five second on/off cycle.
Suddenly, poof, I have found an answer.

The answer is the SUN.

However, all the other questions I have, sadly, remain stubbornly unanswered. Two things generally happen to me: Either I am flooded with opinions or drowned in silence.
Instead, I really want to be surrounded by clarity and then engage with resolve.
I think that if I separate myself into an infinite number of parts it should be easier to become part of the whole, go with the flow and emerge with the answers.
To do that I cease thinking. Now I am not. The ‘I’ becomes an ‘It’ without an ego attached or a particular outcome expected.
I realise quickly that if this was the way it should be I would be a brainless grain of sand on a beach or a rock. After all, I am only one in a few billion not a googol gazillion. I’m special. Although…from a uni/multiversal point of view I’m so small making out I’m such a big deal, and in competition to the dumb universe, that my brain blows a fuse every time I try comprehending just a bit of this magnitude.

I start thinking again and I decide to ignore stuff like the Brexit.
I always wanted to live on an island and I trusted the wisdom of age to make visionary decisions and not create a dystopia. I just revised that.
Some things are so stupid they stick out like a grumbly square wheel with a puncture.
Democracy: a 49% – 51% guillotine; a really worn out flat tire and no wizzkid, political scientist or other boff rewriting that dusty, outdated bible. Ouch!

I still want to live on an island, but not that one.

I wonder what the sun thinks every day?
Just warm them up and give them life, they’ll come right some time.
Clearly, when you come from a sunny (dis)position, you can make better decisions. You gotta blame it on the weather. It would drive anyone bonkers and vote ‘Exit.’
And, in hindsight, to decide matters of such profound importance and far-reaching consequences during or after a full moon, when the sun is past the solstice and in pouring rain, shows a disconnectedness and ignorance, dare I say arrogance, towards all of nature’s powerful forces.

Chuckle.

Now what? Another illusion? More reality?
Nothing, clueless, lost?
Hop on board.

the ‘waiting’ in between

By that I mean the time ‘in between’ that it takes before I get what I want.
What if that waiting is actually just in my mind?
From the moment I want something until I have it, the clock ticks. But, should I really be a waiting?

You see I have this thing about time. It’s a dimension humans have created to dissect the present and in the process forgetting the whole.
Time is an industry that thrives on measurement and disruption. Time is fashion and villain. It’s impersonal and a pain, and it’s relative. Of course time is also a foundation block of my current reality.

Anyway, I like to simplify stuff. Therefore I like to remove one component from my universe: time.
No other living creature lives by a tik-tok. Makes you think, doesn’t it?
From very young I have heard it said: “This (or that) will take a long time?”
I’m not a physicist but after many decades of living by the rules of time I still have a problem being able to tell (the) time.
So to hell with time. Actually forget about speed and distance too. Drop the human constructs and just live without having to define everything for a moment.

I can see space clearly. It’s the transparent nothingness between objects. Some refer to it as the void, but this nothing is something.
Space is everywhere; it’s also between where we are and what we want. If we can make that space ‘work’ for us instead of seeing it as a hurdle multiplied by time, then we are onto a good thing.
In my book Austrafica I went into some detail what I perceive this nothingness, which I called ‘Invisibles,’ to be. Here is what I thought up.

Invisibles are not spiritual, religious, metaphysical or ghosty stuff. They are not a ‘them,’ ‘they’ or ‘it’ either. There are also so many Invisibles that if we would count them we would be countlessly counting.
Invisibles are never-ever visible to us, at all. If we can imagine them existing then we should visualize them as being entirely different to anything we know, which might be inherently difficult for various reasons, because they aren’t measureable in any way. They are not even noticeable to us and the closest thing is ‘no-thing,’ but even that means the opposite, the negation of a thing, which they definitely aren’t. Transparent dust maybe gives an idea, but don’t dwell on it because Invisibles are really indefinable. One can say that they are all the invisible stuff in-between all the visible stuff. They are not of matter and as soon as we think of them being something they disappear, and when they disappear chaos appears and the ‘waiting’ is back. So what are they? Because to the fleeting observer and thinker they aren’t, but we are trying to say they are, the best description is ‘Invisibles.’ You could imagine them as being connectors. The less definition we give them the more they exist, and the more we accept them, – kind of like allowing, – the more our life will run smooth.
Odd! I know.
By acknowledging ‘them’ we are at least not in ignorance or in denial of them and that is the important crux. Although we can never see them they are everywhere even where we think they aren’t. Because of that they have been given the name of ‘fillers,’ and the attribute of ‘smoothers.’ Without them there would really be nothing or in other words everything would be so dense that nothing could exist except maybe matter of the densest kind and chaos of course. Some might say chaos is the natural state, well, maybe here we are about to redefine its meaning. Regardless and nevertheless Invisibles are so important and yet so invisible that we tend to forget they exist. That is a problem we should seek to remedy.

The moment we acknowledge that the space ‘in between’ is filled with Invisibles, chaos ceases and smoothness takes over. Once there is smoothness all the invisible parts around us connect right to the end point of that which we want/think about and, that could be in another room, country, galaxy or universe. The unconnected pictures suddenly flow into one big ‘present’ for us.
So next time you stare at nothing acknowledge the Invisibles and imagine how it connects you smoothly to that which you want, without, aah, a second of waiting.

Acknowledging the Invisibles is the only practice required, others talk about subatomic sized energy particles and of consciousness and being aware.

“There is almost a sensual longing for communion with others who have a large vision. The immense fulfillment of the friendship between those engaged in furthering the evolution of consciousness has a quality impossible to describe.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Let go!

The concept of space, time and matter is an illusion!

Bang!
I’m dead as far as most physicists are concerned.

Aren’t those the building blocks of a universe?
Isn’t that the foundation of reality?

These learned folk won’t endorse this ludicrous idea of mine. Even less would they want to hear what I have to say.
But hey…

I can’t provide empirical proof and yet paradoxically my experience and observation is the whole proof.
Science lacks measurability in this area and therefore my statement is probably considered preposterous.
However, the experience that lead me to make this statement above is repeatable at will.
And, it doesn’t require the particle accelerator in Cern, a string of academic accolades or MDM or God.

Here is a synopsis of what I have observed:
I clasp things. I hold on to stuff. I impose my will. I force my way. I control. I want, want, want.
I fret, fear and become disturbed. Dis-ease sets in. I miss the point of my existence.
I buzz around a fictitious lamp till I expire.
Anxiety. Depression. Disappointment. Disillusionment. Darkness. Turmoil.
Nothingness. Cluelessness. Lostness.

During moments of such crude existential confrontation and the resulting confusion, what I need is often very close by.
Maybe even on my bedside table.

I picked up the book ‘Out of my mind,’ by Richard Bach, and just like the first time when I read it I could not put it down.

My meditation the next morning focused on only one thing:

‘Letting go.’

First I let go of the idea that I have to define an outcome. Any outcome. The outcome of my life mostly, when I really boil it down to the bare essential.
I decided to let go of ANY desired outcome in my meditation. Then, secondly, having pushed all expectations aside I observed unclouded what revealed itself.
As I let go of stuff: financial woes, creative block, hangups, karmic debt, material belongings, the devil…, – space, time and matter disappeared.
Suddenly I existed. I came to be. I was ‘without’ and that gave opportunity for me to experience unhindered what could be.

There was no physicality about me. Sure my body still existed, but the ‘beingness’ I experienced was not in the body. I was however not floating in space either.
Undoubtedly, I concluded later, there exists an unmeasurable dimension.
I integrated into a ‘substance’ of invisibility somewhere, where I then ‘became’ when I finally let go. And yet despite this state I was still me. A consciousness existed, like a nucleus without the earthly paraphernalia bogging me down. Not even my name came along so I am not sure now how I was identifiable to myself. But I very clearly was without social security number, passport, avatar, blog etc. etc.
Maybe more than ever I actually was I. Or was I? The sense of individuality that I had in human form was not there. There was no ego but there was a presence. Even though I haven’t any feedback from anyone else experiencing this, I felt a definition of ‘aware beingness.’ On reflecting afterwards I wondered if we all become similar in this state and that this is what ‘divine consciousness’ is about?

I have no idea yet how one makes contact, finds me or joins me when I’m ‘there?’ I don’t even know if such an interaction would still be desirable or necessary?
Perhaps that nonphysical consciousness is just another step towards other existii of myself and other realities in other dimensions?

It was quite apparent that I was still associated/connected with my body to this earthly existence of a reality, because the tune ‘By the Seaside,’ gently brought me back from yonder land.

I can’t even say with any certainty that ‘letting go’ is a sure fire solution of realigning myself in this existence.
I do know that an expansion occurs from this perceived, stuck reality into fantality and, upon returning, there remains the irrefutable knowledge of another beingness and a universe that functions way different to what we expect and have accepted.

I think the point here is not to overthink, rather steady the monkey mind and experience.

Let go and wonder for yourself.

Was I, am I, shall I be? What?

“The more we become the more we are and the closer we get.”

“I am a stone and a tree and the water and the bee
 I am the green of the grass and the night-time and stars
 I am fire and wind, nature and the sky und das Kind
 I am space and matter and nothing at all
 I am the flower and beauty, I am big and I’m small
 I am and I am not, I am the designer and I am the plot.”

Excerpts From: ‘Beyond Cloudia’ by Raiden Germain

what is it with Nothing

Nothing was there, abundantly so
Wherever I looked I was seeing it grow
Nothing was filling my thoughts with hot air
Nothing was here and Nothing was there

Nothing was pushing and shoving my life
Still nothing kept happening ’cause Nothing’s alive
I couldn’t do nothing, should ‘I’ve been moping around?
So Nothing was tasked and Something was found

Still something was nothing but now had a name
It hung on the wall in a pictureless frame
Day after day Nothing looked down
All my visitors just gave it a frown

My head drones like a court of bouncing balls
But they’ve found nothing to jump back and fall
Forever they travel and question their fate
Still out there, they bounce louder of late

Nothing found Nothing and made it his wife
Now there were children of Nothing a rife
Nothing took over my mind, soul and space
Blimey no wonder that nothing was safe

Nothing had taken whatever I had
It used it and made more nothing with that
Turned into nothing I beg you and ask
Was nothing the point of my colourful past

Could it be Nothing that carried the seed
Of everything and everyone I was going to meet
Was it then nothing that was something at all
Misunderstood like a hole in the wall

Nothing oh Nothing what is it with you
Would it be wise to be working in two
You give me nothing so I fill it up
Now we can pour from my over-flowing cup

As I get drunk and happy and laugh
Nothing is dancing to show me the path
Leading away from nothing I see
Much more of nothing, much more to be

Now that I know what Nothing’s about
I can create my own voluminous cloud
Never again will I need to despair
Because Nothing’s my friend that’s why nothing is there

and then Nothing again

When there is nothing there is actually a lot of it. There is all your life burdening down on you: Nothing happens. Nothing moves. Nothing in your bank account. Nothing you can do, – or so you think. That’s where many of us go wrong. If we would just do what we have to do to the best of our ability that nothing-ness would fill with something that makes us feel good. It takes our mind off the grind when we do something. The better we do something the better the nothing-ness fills with something. If you do a half-a-job you get nothing filled with half of something. And when our mind is off the grind then there is nothing and that is good because now it can fill with something. We should always keep something in the back of our mind. Something we really like; a dream; a picture of something that fills us with joy; an accomplishment. Yeah, let’s see the finished product and not the thousand steps it takes to get there. Each of those steps well done will bring joy when we see the end result. And if you think that you don’t know how to do something that you think you should do, don’t think again, just get started, the solutions and steps required will reveal themselves. It’s one thing going through everything in your mind, meticulous step by step, it’s another when we get going because the universe rewards action. Action makes waves. Thoughts ignite action. Both are key.

nothing to something

Call me Nothing.

I sell nothing, because nothing is all I can think of.

In any case I have tried to come up with an idea what to sell you and I can only come up with nothing and that’s why you get nothing, – nothing at all.

Believe me that I’ve boxed, packaged, wrapped, canned, and refrigerated nothing, just for you. I can even shrink it or expand it to your liking, or make it disappear into nothing.

I have gazillion tons of nothing, so much of it that it has warped my mind, as you can see. To say I am a Trillionaire of nothing is being humble.

My nothing is not made in China and not even in Germany or the US. I am the sole proud manufacturer of an incredible, unbelievable amount of nothing. I have factories of nothing producing so much of nothing with such astonishing ferocity that nothing can stop me. I go to bed with nothing and miraculously wake up with even more of nothing. I am now giving nothing away entirely for nothing to make space for more nothing.

I pay with nothing, get bags full of nothing, have abundant nothing, am really nothing and do absolutely nothing for nothing. If I wouldn’t have nothing to hold on to I’d drown in nothing.

I have gift vouchers of nothing and cards wishing you nothing. I have whole showroom floors full of my latest models of nothing. Two wheeled super-blitz specimens with speeds that only nothing can touch; four wheeled ones that stop at nothing and winged ones with jets that disappear into nothing. My gorgeous fashion statements are made of purest, organic nothing and my perfumes and cosmetics are of the finest, sweetest smelling nothing that nothing even gets half close to. I use the latest nothing with no keyboard or screen connecting to nothing so I can finally talk to you about nothing.

Hell, without nothing I’d be nothing.

I have learned from the grand masters to care for nothing and I don’t give a continental nothing about nothing’s tail of nothing.

The beauty about nothing is that you get it if you want it or not for nothing. The real, true guarantee of nothing however is that it will give you nothing for nothing without any argument, persistently and all the time.

There is such astounding wisdom in an uncluttered mind filled with nothing. It teaches that you pretty much need nothing to connect into the source of nothing. There is nothing you can do about nothing, try as you may, unless you thinking about something. Nothing exists gloriously in being simply and unadulterated nothing.

Nothing is singularly unique in that it exists forever. Everything else, you might have noticed, expires and perishes with unwavering predictability. And, – you don’t even have to want nothing. It comes part and parcel with you. As soon as you become (aware) you notice that nothing is all around. You can’t monetize it either or put a price on it.

Yes, I could sell you a jar of nothing or a watch that shows nothing simply to make you aware of nothing in case you forgot nothing. But we can’t understand nothing, that’s why we constantly and creatively define it into something which eventually becomes nothing again. We always think we should fill the nothing and convert it or change it because it surely can’t be nothing even though we move around in nothing all day long, – our whole life long.

Imagine, huh, twist your mind a little, if we would believe that Nothing is the source of everything we ever wanted. Just take nothing and add, well, – no not water, – just add your thought and wallah. “Wallah what,” you say perplexed?  “Wallah, you created something!” And no matter how much of nothing we use up, the reservoir of Nothing is unaffected. Nothing is limitless and we are seriously challenged to understand that. To us most everything is finite, right? Maybe pi (3.14159 ~) isn’t, but who cares about that ’cause everything else runs out or comes to an (abrupt) end. Actually, coming to think of it we understand nothing about Nothing.

Maintaining the momentum on Nothing we will eventually come upon Something. Be it a him or a her or a thing. To us that something could very well become the most important and precious thing in our lives. Something very well worth all of our nothing.

Out of nothing…