I lay out there drifting weightlessly somewhere in empty space surrounded by the darkness of the universe Floating on nothing Lost in nothing I and my thoughts Unimaginably alone, — solely Unsad, content, clueless Too distant even to the nearest star Immersed in timelessness About 1:53 am in the feel The past an ashen memory No smoldering feelings I see my future winding through an echoing passage tiled with absorbing pictures turned into movies They distract consistently I am confronted with a view at the end A lookout point into future space, unlike anything I could ever conceive Visible is an indeterminately gigantic, colorful, spoked wheel of dimensions At the hub, where all dimensions meet: the bright center of fertility The source of anything, known also as nothing Close together here unfathomably far apart further out It is all so clear now: In order to keep on floating, I must stay lost and I must stay in a state of not-knowingness That is pure freedom, unbound from existence My only way back to source From this virgin source of nothing I can follow any spoke leading to any dimension Each dimension is another universe Probably entirely unimaginable from our reality As I engage thus I become un-lost in my new knowingness Now I am bound again I don't drift towards a new future I am the new future ...soon to become the newest past and be lost and clueless once more Drifting, floating, clueless, lost in nothing Towards a new future
I don’t know what and when
It is all hidden in my pen
Memories of forgotten days
are mixed with fears
of future’s ways
And even if the sun shines bright
I might not realize that it’s light
The darkness just like fire spreads
The night is glowing cold, the black I dread
This is the story of my plight
A mind so bent a crumbled string looks straight
Nothing, clueless, lost, I wait
Sometimes my dreams dream that I elevate
another force inside then subjugates
I’m told my worries are man made
The coffee cold, unshaven, and the purse deplete
A worn old shirt that screams of ironing that it needs
A figure sculpted by the thoughts the mind conjures
and by all events that life endures
Continuously I seek and seek
In this reality the hundred meters that I see
must stretch out of necessity
beyond that mark towards my ecstasy
unless I cannot choose my destiny
But, how then could I be me
Why am I stuck as if I’m planted like a tree
Forever in one place, I cannot flee
When I was born what words were put into my crib
“Go sail the seas but finally we sink your ship”
In the clouds I want to be eternally
A told me that I should be B
C told me that I should be D
Eventually then when I was E
They screamed and said I must be G
I turned around and went to P
Flashed them a sign reversed the T
Now I’m the Cuban Susans Whoman He
Nothing, clueless, lost without a key
I am sinking in some sea
To the water I will eventually return
Humans decided that I needed to burn
So hot even my soul in smoke evaporates
Escaping from these dire straits
I will not be put behind some other gates
Spill me, let me take another turn
I couldn’t sleep for thoughts of you Morning, feelings, cold and dew Everything was just so fine Clueless, lost that was my crime Nothing in my dark lit up Thoughts of you kept coming but the loneliness kept holding tight This opponent was my lifelong fight Seldom happiness would have a say All the vivid colors turned to gray Forsaken in my ice age day by day A cul-de-sac, a dead end stop I would rant and rave until I dropped Nothing changed, it wasn’t meant to be Even my dreams and wishes couldn’t set me free Some force was negating, maliciously intent a life of accomplishment and content I bargained till my beard turned white the other one just laughed at this my plight You could have cashed your soul for fun and lived a life of sin and some he even mentioned that my soul was worth a bit he’d talk to Karma even Hades could be skipped Then he left for he had other things to do I should call him if I'd feel I’m through In between he came around telling me I wasn’t sound I should think about a deal Rap it up and put a seal What’s the point when nothing works and your days are filled with hurt Life’s too short to live in pain All agree that is a shame and there’s no one here to blame But who was he who tempted so What energy did make him grow I made him up that much I know therefore why can’t I let him go Worry, fear, and disillusionment helped in his establishment Sunshine, love, and laughter will destroy his term as master To beat him at his game and bring happiness again my entire life I searched for you questioning exhausted if you could be true often clueless, lost, I lived through years of rue and spent much time talking to the stars with tears hoping that someone might open up their ears My angels came a running, just before it was too late They called the wind to blow a storm and change my fate You greeted me and we knew before a word was spoken that we had scars from many places we were broken Even now I do recall the times alone when my thoughts run away from home and I dig in places dark and drown forgetting all the joy you've brought and everything I ever sought There was no crime and no disorder Clueless, lost, I crossed the border Deep I sank into some feelings fleeing from my heart and being till you came along and stroked me with your song Finally, my life is mine to shine There never was a crime.
By that I mean the time ‘in between’ that it takes before I get what I want.
What if that waiting is actually just in my mind?
From the moment I want something until I have it, the clock ticks. But, should I really be a waiting?
You see I have this thing about time. It’s a dimension humans have created to dissect the present and in the process forgetting the whole.
Time is an industry that thrives on measurement and disruption. Time is fashion and villain. It’s impersonal and a pain, and it’s relative. Of course time is also a foundation block of my current reality.
Anyway, I like to simplify stuff. Therefore I like to remove one component from my universe: time.
No other living creature lives by a tik-tok. Makes you think, doesn’t it?
From very young I have heard it said: “This (or that) will take a long time?”
I’m not a physicist but after many decades of living by the rules of time I still have a problem being able to tell (the) time.
So to hell with time. Actually forget about speed and distance too. Drop the human constructs and just live without having to define everything for a moment.
I can see space clearly. It’s the transparent nothingness between objects. Some refer to it as the void, but this nothing is something.
Space is everywhere; it’s also between where we are and what we want. If we can make that space ‘work’ for us instead of seeing it as a hurdle multiplied by time, then we are onto a good thing.
In my book Austrafica I went into some detail what I perceive this nothingness, which I called ‘Invisibles,’ to be. Here is what I thought up.
Invisibles are not spiritual, religious, metaphysical or ghosty stuff. They are not a ‘them,’ ‘they’ or ‘it’ either. There are also so many Invisibles that if we would count them we would be countlessly counting.
Invisibles are never-ever visible to us, at all. If we can imagine them existing then we should visualize them as being entirely different to anything we know, which might be inherently difficult for various reasons, because they aren’t measureable in any way. They are not even noticeable to us and the closest thing is ‘no-thing,’ but even that means the opposite, the negation of a thing, which they definitely aren’t. Transparent dust maybe gives an idea, but don’t dwell on it because Invisibles are really indefinable. One can say that they are all the invisible stuff in-between all the visible stuff. They are not of matter and as soon as we think of them being something they disappear, and when they disappear chaos appears and the ‘waiting’ is back. So what are they? Because to the fleeting observer and thinker they aren’t, but we are trying to say they are, the best description is ‘Invisibles.’ You could imagine them as being connectors. The less definition we give them the more they exist, and the more we accept them, – kind of like allowing, – the more our life will run smooth.
Odd! I know.
By acknowledging ‘them’ we are at least not in ignorance or in denial of them and that is the important crux. Although we can never see them they are everywhere even where we think they aren’t. Because of that they have been given the name of ‘fillers,’ and the attribute of ‘smoothers.’ Without them there would really be nothing or in other words everything would be so dense that nothing could exist except maybe matter of the densest kind and chaos of course. Some might say chaos is the natural state, well, maybe here we are about to redefine its meaning. Regardless and nevertheless Invisibles are so important and yet so invisible that we tend to forget they exist. That is a problem we should seek to remedy.
The moment we acknowledge that the space ‘in between’ is filled with Invisibles, chaos ceases and smoothness takes over. Once there is smoothness all the invisible parts around us connect right to the end point of that which we want/think about and, that could be in another room, country, galaxy or universe. The unconnected pictures suddenly flow into one big ‘present’ for us.
So next time you stare at nothing acknowledge the Invisibles and imagine how it connects you smoothly to that which you want, without, aah, a second of waiting.
Acknowledging the Invisibles is the only practice required, others talk about subatomic sized energy particles and of consciousness and being aware.
“There is almost a sensual longing for communion with others who have a large vision. The immense fulfillment of the friendship between those engaged in furthering the evolution of consciousness has a quality impossible to describe.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Nothing was there, abundantly so
Wherever I looked I was seeing it grow
Nothing was filling my thoughts with hot air
Nothing was here and Nothing was there
Nothing was pushing and shoving my life
Still nothing kept happening ’cause Nothing’s alive
I couldn’t do nothing, should ‘I’ve been moping around?
So Nothing was tasked and Something was found
Still something was nothing but now had a name
It hung on the wall in a pictureless frame
Day after day Nothing looked down
All my visitors just gave it a frown
My head drones like a court of bouncing balls
But they’ve found nothing to jump back and fall
Forever they travel and question their fate
Still out there, they bounce louder of late
Nothing found Nothing and made it his wife
Now there were children of Nothing a rife
Nothing took over my mind, soul and space
Blimey no wonder that nothing was safe
Nothing had taken whatever I had
It used it and made more nothing with that
Turned into nothing I beg you and ask
Was nothing the point of my colourful past
Could it be Nothing that carried the seed
Of everything and everyone I was going to meet
Was it then nothing that was something at all
Misunderstood like a hole in the wall
Nothing oh Nothing what is it with you
Would it be wise to be working in two
You give me nothing so I fill it up
Now we can pour from my over-flowing cup
As I get drunk and happy and laugh
Nothing is dancing to show me the path
Leading away from nothing I see
Much more of nothing, much more to be
Now that I know what Nothing’s about
I can create my own voluminous cloud
Never again will I need to despair
Because Nothing’s my friend that’s why nothing is there
I suppose El Niño and La Niña had a party again. There is not a full bottle in sight.
But alas, there is not just a drought in South Africa, despite the rainy season mixing in its gloomy, overcast, drizzly days. There is a drought in my life too. El Nothing, La Clueless, Lo Lost are wreaking havoc and I can’t say that ‘local warming’ has anything to do with it. All fountains have just about dried up bar the creative one. That seems to be the only one that barely maintains vestiges of sanity. A challenging task indeed.
Some book talks about the ‘seven year drought.’ Sooth sayers even talk about cycles and that misfortune happens in three’s. Well, Nothing-Clueless-Lost is a fearsome threesome. Not the best buddies to hang around with. I’m all cracked-up from this drought like the parched remnants of a once sparkling lake.
Oh give me those rainy days.
Hold on! I actually want sunny days too. Hmm, coming to think of it, I actually need both. But, if nature doesn’t even strike a balance, how am I supposed to? Didn’t we conclude that we are nature?
One think is clear, I actually meant one thing but they are the same: everything in nature happens in cycles. On this planet there is no getting away from it, I have tried. Even if I had an overflowing bank account I would still be exposed to cycles and my money too. If you doubt that then just look at life. It pretty much starts where it ends, – in nothing. That’s another cycle. We are a cycle within a cycle within a cycle probably ad infinitum. Or if that ‘infinite’ idea does not resonate then maybe we are a cycle within that really ‘one’ big cycle, you can call it whatever, like God or something…
Doesn’t a cycle kind of roll?
That would mean that we are never stuck because we are forever cycling.
I could hibernate in a vacuum tube and dig myself really deep away so nothing cycles with me. I guess by doing that I would escape some cycles that beset ordinary folk. But eventually some cycle is bound to get me. I might as well accept the cyclic nature of being-ness. Maybe the more I accept it the faster it will cycle into another cycle. A wave also goes up and down from crest to trough. Everything is energy, energy is frequency, frequency is a wave, a wave is a cycle and a cycle is an up and a down and around again.
I am all dizzy from cycling now.
Enjoy your cycle. There will be a better and a worse one. You will hit rock bottom and then serenade the angels again.
Keep on cycling.
I want new stuff to happen to me.
Specifically new stuff that is part of my plan for my life, – not random, default existential stuff.
I do know for one that it’s good to have a plan. A plan replaces any default, ‘let me make it through another day’. A plan is a vision of ‘something’ from nothing. I plan new stuff not old stuff.
But I question: why does nothing new happen to me? I mean it’s not for lack of having a plan. It’s not for a lack of ideas or wanting.
Seeing there is nothing happening there must be something else.I am puzzled.
This ‘nothing happening’ manifests as a stuck-ness. It feels like the flow of my life is obstructed. There is a lid on my pot.
In search for answers I dig around and sift through philosophies and belief systems and flavours of the month. I listen to gurus, sages, Elon Musk and Steve Jobs. I read Robin Sharma and Wayne Dyer. I change my diet, drink water, sleep enough, get up at dawn, meditate and exercise and stretch. I Feng Shui the house, love my plants, walk barefoot on the dew in the morning and grow my hair, – I change everything for a new start, a new life and for new stuff to happen to me.
But it doesn’t. Nothing happens.
Yeah, certainly, I feel so much better and healthy. I have tons more energy. I am stronger than before.
And then one morning during meditation I found the answer.
I am lost in the old.
Because I am lost I am also clueless of how to change my status quo.
There is so much old that there is no ‘space’ for the new. I have amassed tons of old stuff in my head. I need to do some mind-clearing. House-clearing is of course also not a bad idea while I am at it. It’s like my hangar is full but I want a new aeroplane. My pantry is chockablock but I want a new dish. I can’t even see and I don’t even know what I have anymore but I know that my life has become unbearably heavy. I am chained down by old rules, concepts, beliefs, hangups, mindsets, practices. I can’t fit another thing no matter how much I want it, into my life.
Forthwith, in this realisation, I am asking of myself to make space for the new that I want, by ridding me of the old that has no more purpose going fupwards (forward and upwards).