Appassionare

Impassioned and dreamy to live,
the one-way lane to bliss

Drudgery and mundanity boredom gives

Failure be a toxic recipe
Mute, the soul seeks therapy

In passion lies life’s ecstasy

But what do you do if your passion doesn’t get you to that bliss?

You’ve immersed yourself in playing music, enjoyed every note, and you clearly don’t have it.
You write, you come alive, and you are mediocre at best, — on an inspired day.
You are painting and your art fulfills you like nothing else, and it doesn’t raise an eyebrow, least of all sell.

You do stuff that captivates and absorbs you, that you love, but never is there a financial reward or even a pat on the back.
You follow your passion constantly but you can’t make a living.

The search for a passionate solution is consuming you.

You are not level headed and will never be, — so help you gee oh dee.

You start doubting passion.
Something has to work, — desperately by now, and intrinsically you know it can only work if passion is present, yet it doesn’t happen.

You have more than one passion, oh definitely yes.
You are an appasionata or an appasionato.

You can’t find the One thing that tops them all.
Maybe you do but for whatever reason, you have to find the next best.
Can there ever be a next best? Will passion tolerate being ordered, sorted, prioritized, delayed?

You think you know what your passion is and where it lies, but, you also think you don’t.
Sometimes you even think: “What is passion? What am I passionate about?”

You back off because your passion is too far fetched. It surpasses even your belief with its imaginative enactment.

You question if passion is maybe the devils trick to lure you into his quarters and then again you think it’s a God given gift.

You ponder the idea that it’s too late to follow your passion.

Disillusion and disappointment mount as passion eludes you. Resigned, life becomes dull and thoughts start flirting with a philosophical question.

You always thought that passion was the only real certainty worth pursuing and now you are the laughing stock of all your ghosts.

Are you the doomed one?
Are you the example that others use to point out the senselessness of trying to follow one’s passion(s) instead of doing something ‘real’?

Should one perhaps pair one’s passion ‘to do something’ with one’s fascination ‘of something’? Could the search then be finally over?

Sometimes,
amongst all the noise we create,
we don’t hear the divine music within.

The Scream

The Scream

Pastel on cardboard created by Norwegian Expressionist artist Edvard Munch 1895: was sold for nearly US$120 million, at Sotheby’s, in 2012.

I wail and scream. I howl
I bleed and I implore
Desperate cries distort my lips
Torn into a grimace
fearful open the visage
Clueless and lost I am
Anguish is upon my soul

Dark wrinkles now remain
where tears in streams
once hoped in vain

A devilish nightmare
horrible and mean,
from inside my ulcerating stomach
and my flailing heart,
forced its shadow onto my scene
Warning me, ‘beware’

A thousand cellars deep in agony,
dank with acid, bile, and irony
It’s me

I bang my head and bite my nails
My soul from sorrow is impaled
and my spirit poison has inhaled
wishing for the comfort in the grave

Eyes in white rage ajar
now burned out,
once upon a time two sunny stars

My fists are clenched,
spiked with ragged bony hands
stabbing aimlessly at burned out plans
I once knew another side of this fence

Screaming threatening,
helpless windmills are my arms
Harsh and vile the words accusingly escape
Hear me whoever and whatever you may be:
You are fearsome, belligerent, debilitating,
uncompromising, ruthless and emetic
I am on a vertex uncontrollably forlorn
Sickeningly, rhymeless, unpoetic
Pushed too far, beyond repair I’m harmed
I suffocate
It’s deadening

Disappointed, disillusioned, hurting bad
Events heaped upon me that made me crying sad

Life’s definition –
amongst buried papers, dogmas, egos
and coated in red tape:
An endless suffering caravan of greed and hate
Controlled by law enforced by society
I scream some more
It is too late
Piety, sobriety, and deity, notorious dubiety

What now?
I scream again, I scream
I tell the universe I’m sore
Sick of all the hell, right to the core
Liberate me, bring about a change
Never will I accept some fate
Turnaround my life
I still believe it can be done somehow

But scream I must
till then
Before I settle into dust
and blow away,
Scream, scream, scream in pain
Amen

make it real

As if something touches me, it's how I feel
There's nothing I can see –

A week ago my life aligned, 
 I penetrated a wish of mine
 A willful effort gave it life
 carved from my dreams to rise

Perfumed like rainbow candy is the air,
 my nostrils seek the whispering wind 
 Like spumy foam of rose and honey my thinking thinks –
 Effervescent, present ever this affair 
 
My spirit lifts and floats away,
 unconfined this day
 
On the brink of real and magic
 my mind dwells,
 fluttering its wings to a broomstick's spell 
 Passion-power, imagination,
 mojo fuelled with elation,
 fondness for the sky,
 I am on the fly!

The wheel then turned
 Today-o'clock is present time
 Loud rings my chime again
 proclaiming: another wish affirmed

Today is real 
 as true as now,
 the pain I feel,
 and what I miss
 and what I see
 and consciously allow
 
This very wakeful moment
 a torch into my memory shines
 Archive of the past, 
 like an empty bottle reminding me of wine
 Sweet though it was, bubbly and alive,
 that flight has landed, – now I drive

Part of this moment
 in the future rests,
 inspired by the past
 It visualized and learned
 Towards the light it yearns,
 then takes to flight once more,
 leading to my heaven's door
 
T'is not the last time
 that I'm flying higher than the stars
 Climbing, reaching further and afar
 Sending rhyme and prayer to the lofty shrine
 When I'm flying, paradise is mine

Something touches me, it's what I feel
There's something I can see – 
I think I'll make it real

Dance on the words

It's a quiet afternoon
Silence sings a tune
 Summer presses down with heat
 Far away the bustling city beat
 Resplendent green and lush the land
 Like a drawing from an artist's hand
Tonight the light is called full moon

Orange circle drifting in the sky
Every star is faint and shy
 Waiting till the moon has set
 and on the grass the dew is wet
 A chance to twinkle one more time
 and send a message that might rhyme
The rising sun brings their goodbye

In the kitchen coffee brews
the antidote for those who snooze
 The day in steps of hours walks
 but to the time in seconds talks
 Today the heat has lost the fight
 thunder, rumbles, lightning bright
The clouds the moon refuse

Obscured, the moonlight hides away
Divergent thoughts like night and day
 No one knows what all is hidden
 but keeping secrets is forbidden
 Sealed is the book, only the title is exposed
 Unblock the code of fate with poetry and prose
Dance on the words without delay

Convert to action and to play
Hear their sound and what they say
 Words are the mirror and the soul
 They tell the story as a whole
 Inside their heart the meaning waits
 Once opened up they flood the gates
Dance on the words across the Milky Way

a web

a web

A web
high in a tree
the morning sun
takes it from me
For hours at night
it spun through my mind
Came sunshine
it left me behind

The web
silver and gray
like my hair
but thinner today
and fading away
Left by the creator
a remnant hangs on
Now a few strands
later its gone

The web
there it was, really,
but nothing remains
The sun came and took
My mind had a look
Gone in the flames
What was its name?

A web
perfect, with purpose
Like all creation
living with anticipation
Returns back to source
when the light calls
Begins a new circle
of cause

The web
like silk in the air
on finest of threads
hardly it’s there
like thoughts
in my head

A web
came to be
for reasons evading me
Like the vision
creating derision
amongst those
that hear my decision
of wanting to maybe not be

The web
attached with the glue
of belief
A wind blows to test
but it cannot undo
Even in grief
it knows what to do

A web
perfect in every way
Forgotten in time
after only a day
Forever, a concept,
hard to comprehend
Found in the secret code
of the moment

just a drop of your tear

I know you are always closer than near
and you left
not because you didn’t want to be here
you were taken

Loveless my world turned gray and cold
I was bereft
A void filled with tears I could not hold
I was shaken

Forever you are gone I was told
Eternally, forever, that is what I hear

Your laughter and gaiety in my soul made a mark
that’s why it is so terribly hard
Your love and your touch I will always remember
Caring and giving and loving
you were my earliest mentor

Then pain and rivers of tears eroded my joy
It hurt and it punished, relentless
It meant to destroy

Alone and astray I walked over thorns in my life
I once had a heart but it was cut with a knife
No reason or answer will ever make sense
That hole you left in my life is immense
I bleed and I cry but don’t show it anymore
knocked down on my knees, devastated on the floor

Wherever you are and whatever you do
for me only one thing is truer than true
Wretched with pain from the hell I’ve been through
I wonder, do you miss me like I miss you?

Give me one drop of your tears to behold
One piece of your pain so that I know
Tell me you haven’t forgotten after so many years
that I am yours and now I can also find peace

All that I am and whatever things I do
When all is lost and I lie crashed without a clue
Miles from nowhere, remote and out of reach
My world concussed and I have lost my speech
High on a dune with the wreckage tossed
Sometimes I think I catch a glimpse of you
I see someone with their hand held out
“Come hither,” I hear through my desperate shout
“I’ll save you, any time at any cost”

Just a drop of your tear I wish I could touch

Whoman He

I don’t know what and when
It is all hidden in my pen
Memories of forgotten days
are mixed with fears
of future’s ways

And even if the sun shines bright
I might not realize that it’s light
The darkness just like fire spreads
The night is glowing cold, the black I dread
This is the story of my plight

A mind so bent a crumbled string looks straight
Nothing, clueless, lost, I wait
Sometimes my dreams dream that I elevate
another force inside then subjugates
I’m told my worries are man made

The coffee cold, unshaven, and the purse deplete
A worn old shirt that screams of ironing that it needs
A figure sculpted by the thoughts the mind conjures
and by all events that life endures
Continuously I seek and seek

In this reality the hundred meters that I see
must stretch out of necessity
beyond that mark towards my ecstasy
unless I cannot choose my destiny
But, how then could I be me

Why am I stuck as if I’m planted like a tree
Forever in one place, I cannot flee
When I was born what words were put into my crib
“Go sail the seas but finally we sink your ship”
In the clouds I want to be eternally

A told me that I should be B
C told me that I should be D
Eventually then when I was E
They screamed and said I must be G
I turned around and went to P
Flashed them a sign reversed the T
Now I’m the Cuban Susans Whoman He
Nothing, clueless, lost without a key
I am sinking in some sea

To the water I will eventually return
Humans decided that I needed to burn
So hot even my soul in smoke evaporates
Escaping from these dire straits
I will not be put behind some other gates
Spill me, let me take another turn