struggle with the night
  sleep deprived
  i surmise i will survive
  but can't jump off this ride

hour one past midnight!
  darkness has turned fake bright
  second-hand sunlight
  reflecting institution white
  flicker-less heavenly neon light

  leaves play melody
  trees sway in ecstasy
  roots feed from soil’s elegy
  a breeze cools summer's energy

  life rehearsing in full parody
  head brimming with rhapsody 
  a jumblesale of mind things
  confusion brings 
  fresh dew drops offering therapy

hour two begs for clemency
  now imprisoned helplessly
  by thoughts in hostile territory
  and sarcastic answers by the enemy

the third hour serves a penalty
  street light loneliness irrupts
  delusional hopefulness wakes up
  escape routes barred firmly shut 
  
hour four resigns
  a condition called the borderline
  insanity: the sanctity of tragedy
  drowsed but not fine
  
  resurrection by the fifth!
  appearing in strict order:
  you, coffee, sunlight
  end-of-torture

what was I struggling with?