Egenda: the Agenda of the Ego
Nature and destiny in harmony A world of temptation and frustration waits Without egenda I am me
— Private collection:
Carving by artist from Pomene in Mozambique
Since I was young
I am on the run
Now, more old,
I am still running,
so I am told
I ran away from that,
that ran towards me
Upon reflection, I can see
how I was getting lost
in loneliness and fear
and rejecting even that,
that was dear
Running is my freedom
from the prison of my fate,
and the buried past
which keeps a live debate
and reminds of something
which stayed behind
Now I speed along malaligned
Running is my surname
Loss and pain, a restless brain,
a song in minor
with a sad refrain
Sometimes a tear in private
often I am running with disquiet
A constant fear to be too late
Imagine dreams thus escape?
The death of me is any wait
Therefore, night and day
I follow and obey
Running is my way,
bluffing also is okay
I run even though
my running days are done
some say it looks like tumbling now
’cause all my pose is gone
The further that I disappear
the happier I be, — I think
But, there are teardrops in my ink
as happiness runs too,
from the one who runs
Running, — my escape
towards a destination called ‘Away’
Tumbling, a persuasive way
to stay and not forsake
*Picture credit: The Emoji Movie
A few times he did
Many times he didn’t
He doesn’t know why
He had his cry
A grown-up kid
Oh Lord forbid
Still doing what he didn’t
and what he did
Reading this stirs me to choose
This is what I want to do:
Change my old pair of shoes!
and less of what doesn’t matter
Look ahead, ’cause looking back
always puts me off track
Express what I think
so it doesn’t make anyone flinch
Know you some more
Move on from before
Dance in your joy
Be your happy boy
Embrace your love
Treat you like a dove
Listen when you call
Stop playing only my ball
Understand your pain
Empathy doesn’t shame
Feel your need
and not misread
Explore your dreams
Bathe in your light beams
Unite against your fears
Pioneer your frontier
Join you in distress
Help clear away the mess
Be your other side
A backup on your ride
Return your touch
My senses never get too much
Explore your passion
Confession beneath layered fashion
Answer your questions
Provide some suggestions
Disperse your pain
like blades of a weathervane
Sing along your song
professing loud and strong
Taste your tears
The sweetest salt is here
Treasure your laugh
with full measures, not half
Smile when you smile
mile after mile
Take your hand
Together we stand
Hold you close
Let other’s say “look at those”
Watch you dance
Your movement is my trance
Kiss you to sleep
That’s so romantique
Scent your hair
Stoke this affair
Catch you looking at me
Crazy, like the sting from a fairy bee
When you think … — stop thinking
When you do … — stop doing
When you stop … — stop
When … — don’t
When not … — stop
When stopped … — think
Life is about sitting on an egg, — partially.
When you’re sitting on top of an egg,
– and be honest, I think we are all trying to hatch something, –
and nothing happens for too long,
there is something wrong with the egg you’re sitting on.
Nothing is wrong with you, — of course not.
You did your time and probably more than was necessary.
No bird sits on an egg longer than they intrinsically know they have to, and neither should we.
If you want to bring something about:
change your circumstance, change your beingness.
If nothing happens,
get off and find another egg.
If you water a seed or seedling and it doesn’t grow,
you don’t continue indefinitely, do you?
There must be a benefit; else, what are you doing it for?
Maybe herein lies the problem:
We are the egg and the hen.
Between being both we get side-tracked.
We hen around when we should also egg around.
And both hen and egg have a best before date too.
Or, perhaps our egg got swapped while we were inattentive or in cloud-cuckoo-land. We might be sitting on a dinosaur egg that takes epochs to hatch,
and we only have a human lifetime.
Another more sinister reason could be that there is no egg for us. A hiccup in nature, an oversight, or perhaps a deliberate message of:
“You are wasting your time here, you should be somewhere else, sorry (hu)man, internal error, – reboot.”
I don’t think sitting on an egg is that much fun,
especially when the dream of what that egg was supposed to become has lost its verve.
In the process of incubation and brooding, you have probably also attracted a severe bout of eggshaustion.
Rest is advised but time is limited because it is now already ‘time minus one egg’.
Time and eggs clearly have some agreement.
Maybe ten time units are one egg unit, or who knows?
And, you are entering into major guesswork as to how many time and egg units are available to you.
At this stage of disillusionment with reality and eggs, you might want to run away to an island and just hangout and relax.
When that escape starts feeling like another egg, is it now the right egg? There’s nobody really around that could answer that question. Eggvisors are few and far between, if not entirely mythical. And, other islanders egging it out don’t strike you as the right reference model.
It is not inconceivable that at this moment you might decide,
“WTF, I’ll just grab an egg that looks nice and sit on it and see.”
The point is that when that first egg doesn’t hatch
and we finally decide to move on to another egg,
unless some inbuilt direction finder kicks in
and sets our compass pointing north again in our life,
we could become abandoned eggs or hens without a head.
Now, the second (nth) time around,
we have to apply extra amped-up effort and employ every ounce of skill and wisdom to bring our life together and make sense of it,
— and not accept a watered-down make-believe or a shortlived fake brochure version, —
so we can find that satisfaction which is inherent when our right egg hatches.
Sometimes thoughts use another language. English translation is a few stanza's down. Der Gräuel der Rechtfertigung Wahnsinn und Unsinn Unser Schweigen noch mehr Dunkelheit belastet mit Schuld Ich bin dabei mit Augen nur, nicht mit Herz Abscheuliches reißt an meiner Seele und doch stehe auch ich mitten drin Ich schaue zu und baue Worte Auf dem Grund fließt das Blut Schreie wie damals Die Schatten der Rache Erbrechen von Säure und Hass Gestern mit Messern und Schwertern und Gas, heute mit Kugeln und jetzt mach ich Dich tot! Weg mit Euch allen! Unmenschlichkeit! Teufelsbrut! Niemand ist Farbenblind und doch ist alles schwarz-weiß Mein Gott sagt dies und meiner sagt das Wenn Du, dann Ich auch wenn nicht, dann trotzdem Vernichten, Alle und das System Gelehrte Insassen reiche getrieben bei Macht, sie erobern uns wie das Vieh auf dem Weg zur Schlacht Ich kämpfe zurück Meine Stimme erbricht Ein Leben, ein Wunsch, die Freiheit, ein Land Ihr nehmt von mir Aber ich habe doch nichts Ich flehe Besinnt Euch Wacht auf Meine Kugeln sind Tränen Meine Bomben das Wort Streck aus Deine Hand Lass fallen die Axt Es geht um die Menschheit — nicht Gott, Ihr tapferen Krieger und nicht um den eigenen Akt +++++++++===========+++++++++ The disgrace of justification Insanity and nonsense Our silence creating even more darkness loaded with guilt I am part, with my eyes but not my heart Horrid forces tear my soul while I stand amidst the turmoil I watch and build words On the ground the blood flows Screams of the past Shadows of revenge Vomition of acid and hate Yesterday it was knifes and swords and gas, today it's the bullet and I will kill you! Cease ye to exist! Barbarians! Devils disciples! No one is colour-blind And yet all is black and white My G_d says this and my G_d says that If you do, then I will too If you don’t I will still do Annihilate all, and the system too The learned and those driven by power, they conquer us, like livestock destined for the abattoir I fight back My voice breaks One life, a wish, freedom, and a country of my own You take from me But what do I have? I plead Please rethink your actions Wake up My bullets are tears My bombs are words Reach out your hand Let go of that axe This is about humanity not the kingdom of G_d, You are all brave soldiers, no need to fight and this is not your final Act