There is something disconcerting and worrying about getting up in the morning and being clueless about where your life is going. You tap yourself on the head and wonder what this is all about. You wonder what the point of this is when you drift so forlorn in this ocean of lost and cluelessness. When your standard answer to most questions becomes, “Eish, I don’t finguck (fill in any expletive of your choice for more umphh here) know.”
It’s a wobbly start. It’s a shaky beginning. You not even up yet and you’re on a slippery slide already. As a matter of fact you already stuck in the mud. A consolation could be that it probably can’t get any worse. But it probably will. When stuff sucks from the beginning it’s difficult to swing that impression, turn that leaf or change that dominating thought stream. When you wake up with a thunder cloud over your head the outlook ain’t rosy for the day.
I mean wouldn’t it be great if we could predict that this is going to be a great day, if we could know for certain that it is going to be a marvellous day.
Well, I’m no Sangoma or Witchdoctor or any of that. I have no surefire answer either because I also get so messed up by this cluelessness and all. But, I have found a tenacity a resilience, you can even call it an anger, a peed-offness with this image of deserted cluelessness in that horror cabinet of my mind, that out of sheer frustration and depression I have decided to simply be delusional. I fill my head with thoughts of how I want it to be, what it can be like and what it actually is, bar that little fact that reality seems to infringe upon me some other vision which I stubbornly choose to ignore. I will adjust and learn from my current circumstances, which I have probably been the author of, and write my new book starting now, actually backdated to yesteryear. I will and I can do it. I will also become who I really want to be and not what my ‘advisors,’ whoever they might be, want me to be. I will be me. Cluelessness can take a skip and hop onto someone else. From now on I do have a clue and I have found myself. My thoughts will show my vision and who I really am and not this slave of all these worldly leeches that found a host in me. Just to make a point I will quit sugar today and any of that white poison. The world can keep its cigarettes and booze and fatty foods. Today, watch me, I will dwarf Arnie, surpass Aristotle, move like Ali and have a pocket like Gates and Buffet combined. Today, hah, my new life swings into action and my radius is bigger than the universe.
It was about time.
“Clueless and lost, are you listening, take a long hike! Get! Out, out!”
Now bring on tomorrow morning and I will climb into the clouds and beyond, again and again.